Tag: disclaimer- i received via email from beliefnet and i thought it was funny
group name: happyplace
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March 11, 2007 07:46 PM EDT --
If College Students Wrote The Bible
The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning -- cold.
The Ten Commandments would actually be only five -- double-spaced and written in a large font.
A . . . more
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March 11, 2007 07:28 PM EDT --
A Prayer Upon Waking
Dear God, so far today, I've done all right. I haven't gossiped, and I haven't lost my temper.
I haven't been grumpy, nasty or selfish, and I'm really glad of . . . more
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March 11, 2007 07:43 PM EDT --
Hymns for Her
One Sunday a pastor told the congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever . . . more
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July 20, 2007 01:58 PM EDT --
The Best Way to Pray
A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman worked nearby. "Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the . . . more
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June 24, 2007 11:57 AM EDT --
Waking Up for Church
One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, "I'm not going."
"Why not?" she . . . more
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March 11, 2007 07:50 PM EDT --
Forrest Gump in Heaven
Forrest Gump died and went to heaven. When he got to the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth.
In order to . . . more
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May 17, 2007 07:39 AM EDT --
God is Watching
Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, "Take only one, God is watching." . . . more
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July 31, 2007 01:14 PM EDT --
A Lawyer and the Pope Die and Go to Heaven…
A lawyer died. At the same moment, the Pope also died. They arrived at the gates of heaven at the same moment. They spend the day in orientation, and . . . more
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March 31, 2007 08:54 PM EDT --
The Jewish Atheist
On New York's Upper West Side lived an assimilated Jew who was a militant atheist. But he sent his son to Trinity School because, despite its denominational roots, it’s a . . . more
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July 12, 2007 04:40 PM EDT --
Poorest Preacher
After the church service a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money."
"Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?" . . . more
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July 15, 2007 01:27 PM EDT --
Lost in the Service
One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Johnny standing in the foyer of the church, looking at a large plaque that hung there. After the young man of seven had stood there for . . . more
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July 26, 2007 10:12 PM EDT --
Calling It a Day
God: "Whew, I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on earth."
Angel: "Oh yeah? What are you going to do now?"
God: "I think I'll . . . more
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March 11, 2007 07:35 PM EDT --
Five Jewish Men
Five Jewish men influenced the history of Western civilization.
Moses said the law is everything.
Jesus said love is everything.
Marx said capital is everything.
Freud said sex is . . . more
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March 11, 2007 11:12 PM EDT --
Don't Wake your Neighbors!
A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?" The man says, "Methodist." St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room . . . more
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March 11, 2007 11:36 PM EDT --
Born-Again Hindu
A zealous Christian who was trying to convert a Hindu found himself getting nowhere. "The thing is," argued the frustrated Christian, "you have to be born again!" . . . more
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March 11, 2007 11:39 PM EDT --
A Birthday Wish
Little Sonia was shouting her prayers. "Please God send me a new doll for my birthday."
Her mother, overhearing this, said, "Don't shout dear, God isn't deaf." . . . more
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June 19, 2007 12:42 PM EDT --
Eve's Steep Price
God noticed that Adam was lonely. He said to him "Adam, I am going to give you the perfect companion. She'll cook and clean and listen, she's perfect."
Adam replied, . . . more
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May 18, 2007 07:37 AM EDT --
I Am Napoleon
Late one night at the insane asylum, one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"
Another patient asked, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "Because God told me!" . . . more
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July 23, 2007 09:09 AM EDT --
No Male Pallbearers
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't . . . more
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July 29, 2007 01:11 PM EDT --
First Time at a Unitarian Service
A man goes to a Unitarian Universalist service for the first time, and later is asked what he thought of it. "Darndest church I ever went to," he replies, "the . . . more
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